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Cosmic Quote(s) #16

February 15, 2013 by 13 Comments

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my works. I want to achieve it through not dying.”–Woody Allen

“I’m very pleased to be here.  Lets face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”–George Burns

I’ve had enough of it for now.  I’m calling a moratorium on in memoriam memeranda, momentarily.   (Try saying that five times fast.)  So if you are planning on dying, please have the courtesy to hold off for at least a few weeks.  My attention now turns back to the living, at least while I’m still breathing.

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Cosmic Quote #14

January 14, 2013 by 7 Comments

“I like the word indolence.  It makes my laziness seem classy.”–Bern Williams

www.savagechickens.com click image for more Olympics for the Lazy

http://www.savagechickens.com click image for more Olympics for the Lazy

In case you were wondering where I’ve been lately…

Stay tuned for a reblog of my guest post on The Blog of Funny Names (tomorrow) and a new BLAHS award that will let readers pick the winner (later in the week).

Happy 2013.

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Cosmic Quote #13

December 24, 2012 by 12 Comments

“The main reason Santa is jolly is he knows where all the bad girls live.”–George Carlin

Hmmm.I Wonder what he's looking for...(www.savagechickens.com, click for link)

Hmmm.I Wonder what he’s looking for…(www.savagechickens.com, click for link)

I knew there was a reason I was jealous of the guy.  I also now know what he is doing the other 364 days while the elves are making all the toys.  At any rate, this non-theistic, almost-atheist existentialist wishes you a Merry Christmas, Season’s Greetings, happy pagan winter solstice, or whatever it is you celebrate.

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Cosmic Quote #12

December 8, 2012 by 10 Comments

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”–Arthur C. Clarke

No, not that Magic!

No, not that Magic!

To say that Arthur C. Clarke was a visionary is to put it lightly.  In 1947 he published an article advocating a global satellite communication network.  That was ten years before Sputnik, when many serious scientists were still calling space travel impossible.  Yet even he didn’t always get it right.  In the 1960’s he foresaw humanity’s 2001 future in outer space, but little progress was made in the following decades.  It turned out the human future in the new millennium was in cyber space.  My future, then and now, continues to be spaced out.  I’ll see you in my dreams…

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Cosmic Quote #11

November 28, 2012 by 10 Comments

“If people think nature is their friend, then they don’t need an enemy.”–Kurt Vonnegut

Image credit: CartoonStock.com. Used by permission

Clearly, anyone who took the brunt of Sandy can identify with that quote.  Hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, droughts, tsunamis.  Nature packs plenty of punches.  Wait, you mean it’s organic foods and natural remedies you embrace? OK, I’ll counter with hemlock, radon, arsenic, curare. Good grief, there are easily as many natural ways on this earth to kill us as their are to enhance us.  And most of the rest of the universe would kill us in an instant.  Sure, there is plenty of beauty and benefit in nature.  But anyone who hasn’t grasped the implications of the second law of thermodynamics hasn’t a clue what nature really is–or how amazing it can be.

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Cosmic Quote #10

November 9, 2012 by 20 Comments

“Do you realize that if it wasn’t for Edison we’d all be watching TV by candlelight?”–Al Boliska

Image Credit: Doug Savage. Click for link.

If Sandy wasn’t enough, no sooner did our power come back then, in succession over the next few days, one  of my two office desktop PCs died, followed by the monitor for the other one, followed by my cable modem.  Then the icing on the cake was my business phone land line going dead.  If it wasn’t for broken technology, I’d have no technology at all.   At the rate this is going, I will soon be sending emails via pony express.

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Time Out: Google This! (or The Color of Stupidity, Part 2)

October 10, 2012 by 16 Comments

“The Internet is a good way to get on the net.”–Bob Dole

I preferred the candidate that did not need such enhancement. Credit: Edward Cropper. Click image for link.

The above quote has to be the best thing Yogi Berra never said.  But I digress even before I get started.

With increased traffic comes increased search engine hits.  With increased search engine hits comes more great, completely irrelevant material.  I won’t bore you with repeating the whole story, if you missed the first installment of this feature, you can read it here.   So without further ado, let’s see what some of the less-than-sentient beings out there have been up to–here are more search engine queries that somehow found this blog, each followed, as usual, by my astute analysis.  (Image credit: Edward Cropper)

Vidoe— noe kiddinck?

Stupid names for your entertainment–I already covered that in detail here,  but how about….hmmm….Adam Sandler movies?

Equaions (sic!) in everyday life–the search engines speak Klingon now.

Examples of square roots in real life–my response is too terrifying for a family blog.  Click here if you must know the answer. (Actually, it’s really worth the click 😀 )

Satir Kipec–Nagrado žirija lahko podeli  (I hope that’s not obscene–I copied it from the start of the first link this search term returned.)

Figure X. Schipperke [Pronunciation: Skip-it; Origin, Dutch: Little S&$^%#–er, I mean Little Captain] Noun: 1. A Furry black dog of Belgian origin 2. Trouble waiting to happen

I’m part Schipperke–I bet you’re a little bit pregnant, too.

Examples of squares in everyday life–Bob Dole and Howard Walowitz.

Did Schrödinger’s cat blow up?–No, but it did come away with a hickey.

Malenium (sic!) conjectures–guys don’t conjecture; we just take wild guesses.

We also write wild blog posts.  Stay tuned.  There are evidently bound to be more of these.

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Cosmic Quote #9

October 8, 2012 by 12 Comments

“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”–Harlan Ellison

Credit: Doug Savage. Click image for link.

Wow.  He got that right.  The latter seems particularly abundant these days;  on a Monday morning during election season I have no patience for it.  What is dumber, the idiot political wonks who put out all the attack ads, or the few remaining idiot voters who actually pay attention to them?   I’ll vote for the genius who promises to start the work week on Tuesday!  (I’m not in education or government or banking–I have to work on Columbus Day.)  Check out my Google search terms post for more on stupidity.  🙂

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Cosmic Quote #8

September 17, 2012 by 9 Comments

“How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?”–Woody Allen

(c) 2012 Matthias Giesen. Used by permission. Click image for link.

Physically, I am now back in Connecticut.  Mentally, I am still on vacation in Dubai.  My circadian rhythms?  MIA–but probably floating somewhere north of Saturn and west of Alpha Centauri.  The time difference is 8 hours and we partied way too late every night for old farts of our pre-digital generation.   (We didn’t chose Dubai to vacation, it chose us.  More on that some other time; now back to my day job.)

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Timeout: Google This! (or, The Color of Stupidity)

September 3, 2012 by 21 Comments

“If there are no stupid questions, what questions do stupid people ask?”–Scott Adams

“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.”– Benjamin Franklin

Ben on stupidity

Good ol’ Ben knew stupidity when he saw it.

Nothing enables stupid, silly, naive, ridiculous or downright ignorant questions like internet search engines.  Judging by some of the search queries by which my blog has been found, I’m guessing that some of these people were either drunk in a bar, or reading too many ridiculous blogs.  Courtesy of WordPress.com’s excellent blog stats page, here are some of the best examples,  along with my appropriately astute responses.  (NOTE:  These are all verbatim from the aforementioned WordPress stats summary.  Somebody out there actually found my blog using these search queries.)

Where would we be if we traveled 777 billion light years?  I have no idea, but I’d hate to have to pick up the tab for the cab ride home.

Sixteen times four equals what?   Probably 42, if you are Douglas Adams

Let me explain infinity, it is a measure of a human power, which actually not compatible, .  for ex infinity is sir Albert Einstein…   I just report them; I don’t explain them.  But if you have any clue as to what planet the person who wrote this query is from, please inform us all.

Mark Sackler DVM  After 30 plus years of marriage to a veterinarian, I have apparently been awarded an honorary degree.  I certainly deserve some sort of award–or at least sympathy.

Barbayaki  Say what??!!  (According to the stats, this query has found my blog FOUR times.  As Casey Stengel said,  “you could look it up.”)

Why they add 1 millennium in 21st?  OK.  I give up.  Why?

Funny pro-conservative bumper stickers     See my post on non-existence. 

Millennium Twain NASA   You left out rutabaga.

Funny names for mark  What? “Mark” is not funny enough by itself?

Molenium conjectures  Hey, moles can have ideas, too.

Is there still a lawyer for Einstein?  I’m not sure, but I think there is a lawyer for everything–even non-existence.

Please feel free to share your responses to any of these nut-case inquiries,  and be sure to check back in a couple of months.  There are bound to be more where these came from… 😉

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