A Blog of the Ridiculous and Sublime, by Mark Sackler
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”–Edith Sitwell
Unfortunately, there are all too many willing and able, not to plead stupidity, but to flat out flaunt it. And there are also lawyers, lots of lawyers. And lots of work for lawyers.
“Let’s make Donald Trump explain his hair.”–Ted Deutch
No comment.
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”–Will Rogers
Here’s a hint. You can’t fix stupid with stupider. Maybe the biotech industry can come up with a solution. But then, who am I to argue with Will Rogers?
You can check out my lame attempts to make the world a little less “stupider” on my futurist blog (and accompanying podcast) Seeking Delphi.
“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”–John F. Kennedy
And idiot chickens with jet packs is exactly what we will get if we keep electing those clueless to the implications of 21st century technology, and the change that comes with it. If you care about a better future, be sure to follow my other blog–the futurist one–and the podcast that goes with it. Seeking Delphi.
“There is no blue without yellow and without orange.”–Vincent Van Gogh
“All’s well that ends well.”–William Shakespeare
The bard was right. Van Gogh was…um..uh–I have no idea.
But here is a story that ended well, though with an unexpected twist that makes it one of my all time favorite veterinary vignettes.
This happened some 30 years ago, when Cheryl was working her last job as an employee before starting her own clinic. Her partner in crime in this particular case was the junior associate in the group, one Susan Cole, a pretty and vivacious young blond just a few months out veterinary school.
It started one typical Monday morning, when in came a panicked old lady, Mrs. P, with a pearly white cat.
The cat was struggling to breath.
Mrs. P: “Save my kitty!!!”
Dr. C: “When did this start?”
Mrs. P: “Save my kitty!!”
Cat: “[cough] [choke] [wheeze]”
Dr. C: “How did this start?”
Mrs P: “Puhleeeaaase save my kitty!!”
Cat: “[gasp] [gasp]”
It was obvious that Mrs. P was not going to be any help. Enter my intrepid Cheryl to consult.
“This seems to be some sort of respiratory distress, we’d better take an X-Ray.” She advised.
Dr. Cole thought otherwise, and suggested drawing a blood sample first. Cheryl was skeptical, but realized it couldn’t hurt, so that’s what they did.
The cat’s blood was brown. Freaking brown.
The two of them scratched their heads in puzzlement. What could turn a cat’s blood brown? Cheryl observed that if they saw this in a cow they would diagnose it as methemoglobinemia, a condition that bovines get from eating cherry leaves. You guessed it, cherry leaves are toxic to cows. But cats? How would this indoor feline even have access to cherry leaves, whether or not they are toxic to cats?
At any rate, regardless of the cause, the diagnosis was confirmed. But, then, how to treat it?
“Well” Cheryl posited,”we use methylene blue to treat this in cows. Let’s try it.”
Methylene blue is a dye that also has some medicinal purposes. But the cat’s wheezing and gasping for breath was rapidly worsening, so Sue and Cheryl frantically calculated the appropriate dosing. Let’s see. Bovine dose, 60cc. Feline dose…hmm…. 6cc.
They administered 6cc of methylene blue, and by golly, that cat rapidly improved and its blood and breathing were back to normal in no time.
End of story? You know me better than that–there’s a little kicker. Of course there is, there always is. You see, there was a slight miscalculation in the dosage. The feline dose should not have been 6 cc, it should have been 0.6cc. But hey, what’s a silly little order of magnitude among friends. After all, the cat got better.
It’s just that the pearly white cat turned….BLUE!! Its skin, its gums, its sclera, its paws. Everything but its fur turned a bright shade of blue!
And that, of course, is still not the end of the story. The denouement came the next morning, when Mrs. P. phoned to find out the condition of her kitty.
Dr. Cole took the call, and she answered with a straight face, within ear shot of just about every employee in the clinic.
“Oh, she’s doing much better, but she’s feeling a little blue right now!”
Crash! Bang! Thud! All over the hospital employees dropped whatever they were holding as peals of laughter erupted. They say that in comedy, timing is everything. I guess that goes for veterinary medicine, too.
Anyway, the cat’s normal color soon returned, and it turned out that Mrs. P had given it Tylenol. Tylenol, you may surmise, is toxic to cats. So don’t give your cat Tylenol. This goes doubly if you have a yellow cat, as the antidote could turn the poor thing an ungodly shade of green.
Is there a moral to this story? Yes. The next time you are feeling blue, be thankful it is only a metaphorical, and not a literal, blue.
If you are feeling blue, try my other blog, Seeking Delphi.™ That will really get you down. 😛
“Smart is when you believe half of what you hear. Brilliant is when you know which half.”–Robert Orben
Here’s a tip for you brainiacs. If you want to know which half of my posts to believe, it’s the other half. On my other blog, Seeking Delphi. ™
Hmmm. I just started that other blog. Most of my posts have been on this one. Well, as Yogi once said, “90 percent of the game is half mental.”
“The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat.”–Ogden Nash
Pet doors are a wonderful thing. They allow your pets the joy of repeatedly going in and out without having to constantly bug you to accommodate them.
Pet doors are an awful thing. They allow all manner of unwanted vermin to come in (mostly) and out along with your pets. Or in many cases, to be dragged in by your pets. Here are some examples.
Awful thing example #1: While you expect cats and dogs to freely use the pet door, you don’t really think a pet chicken would use the pet door. Think again. We had one that did, and it not only came in the house quite unexpectedly, but it joined Cheryl in the shower. That’s a horror story even Alfred Hitchcock couldn’t have imagined. Eat your heart out, Norman Bates.
Awful thing example #2: While our cats have frequently brought dead mice or chipmunks into the house and disemboweled them in the dining room (ick!), that is not the worst of it. They bring live ones in and let them go. The most notable example? We had a living room full of guests for a tea for a local political candidate. Just as the proceedings were about to begin, our cat, Velcro, dropped a live mouse by the side of a rather full couch. The critter ran across the feet of about three people and hid under the coffee table as everyone scattered. Cheryl caught it as the cat looked on with amusement. The dogs were worthless.
Awful thing example #3: While we are on the subject of the cat sitting back and watching in amusement as we and the dogs chased a live rodent, I present you with the case of the chipmunk in the laundry room. Did you ever watch one of those Donald Duck cartoons where he tries to catch Chip and Dale? Where he winds up destroying his house, his R.V., his camp site, or whatever? It felt like we were in a Donald Duck cartoon. The chipmunk was behind the washing machine. The dogs went nuts; but the chip was gone by the time we pulled the washing machine out from the wall. By then, the chip was behind a pile of laundry. Then it was in the pile of laundry. Then it was behind the drier. Then it was under the washing machine. The dogs were always one hiding place behind it. Cheryl finally caught the thing–I swear she must have been a cat in a previous lifetime. And our laundry room? It looked like Donald Duck’s living room after a few minutes of chasing Chip and Dale.
Awful thing example #4: This one takes the cake. Cheryl and I were sitting in our home office late one evening, clicking away at our computers. Why, it was the very room I am sitting in as I write this tale. I glanced in back of me. Our three dogs were all lying there contented to be in the same room with us. And sitting right in the middle of them was what I, for a split second, took to be a rather large stuffed animal doggy toy. For a split second. But it wasn’t a toy. Good grief, it was a live possum, apparently playing possum! We have no idea how it could have gotten in there without the dogs going nuts. We can only guess that the one dog large enough to drag it in, must have done so. Cheryl picked it up by the tail, dropped it outside the front door, and it sprung to life and dashed off.
Which finally brings us to Awful thing example #5: There is a rodent in this office, right now, as I write this post. I saw it dash off the top of my desk and hide behind the file cabinet just as I walked in. The fleeting glance I got of it was too brief to tell if it was a mouse or a chipmunk. But it has eluded me. Don’t worry though, Cheryl will be home from the clinic with the dogs (they go to work with her every day.) The dogs will, of course be useless, and the cat will sit back and watch in amusement as Cheryl, as always, catches the thing.
Oh, and this one didn’t happen to us, but Awful thing example#6, below, illustrates the further dangers of pet doors in the wild. Stay safe, my friends.
Be sure to check out my new (second) blog, Seeking Delphi.
“The only reason I wouldn’t go to some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump”–London mayor Boris Johnson
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Don’t worry, Boris. You can always come to New York while he’s off making an ass of himself at the Iowa caucuses next month. I can’t say the same for the risk of running into Donald Duck at Disneyworld.
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat!”–Lily Tomlin
Per Albert Camus’s The Myth of Sisyphus, it would appear that the best strategy for combating the stated dilemma is to simply keep running the race or navigating the maze, lest one stops and realizes how absurd it all is. I’ll keep at it, if only because I need the cheese.
“The main reason Santa is jolly is he knows where all the bad girls live.”–George Carlin
Hmmm.I Wonder what he’s looking for…(www.savagechickens.com, click for link)
I knew there was a reason I was jealous of the guy. I also now know what he is doing the other 364 days while the elves are making all the toys. At any rate, this non-theistic, almost-atheist existentialist wishes you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Season’s Greetings, happy pagan winter solstice, or whatever it is you celebrate.
I'm not the most interesting man in the world, but I might have the most cluttered mind.
