“Words empty as the wind are best left unsaid.”–Homer
Ah, my dear Homer, a good sentiment. But what if those empty words are absurdly hysterical? It will take more than a dead Greek poet to stop me.
Everything is being done with Artificial Intelligence these days, some of it profound, some of it scary, and some of it downright ridiculous. You’d know this if you followed my Seeking Delphi™ podcasts and blog. AI is being used for early disease diagnosis, protection of the power grid, and facial recognition to catch criminals and secure our cell phones. But it’s also being used for some pretty silly things, too. How about a sex robot that tells jokes, or a robodog that sniffs your feet and passes out if they stink?
This brings me to the latest effort in the Mark’s Neologisms series. I didn’t invent the terms below. An AI program devised by Colorado researcher Janelle Shane was programmed to create convincing sounding disease names. The results were, well, both hilarious and alarming. But here’s the thing–it only created the names. So in the great tradition of my sicko mind, here are some of my favorites from the list, with the actual definition of the malady added by yours truly.
Sexursoma Ear–The Latin name for hickey of the ear.
Joint Pseudomalabia–Inflammation of a prosthetic joint
Ear Poop–A side effect gotten from listening to political speeches.
Teenagerna Vain Syndrome–Well, that’s obvious.
Catdullitis–An affliction that causes pet owners to prefer dogs.
Ankle Bladders–Caused by severe gout
Seal Breath–Not fatal if you have it, but possibly fatal if the person next to you has it.
Testicle Behavior–A mythical condition never afflicting heterosexual males.
Eye Stools–A pandemic caused by televising political debates.
Hoot Injury–A bruise or contusion obtained when bumped into by a Hooters waitress.
Vertical Hemoglobin Fever–What most residents of Colorado, Alaska, Washington DC and other locales suffer from since the legalization of pot.
Cold Glock Allergy–An aversion to being held at point blank range.
Some of the names were so ridiculous I couldn’t begin to define them. A few of the most bizarre are listed below. See if you can come up with something for any of the following.
Mardial Denection
Gumpetic Surpical Escesion
Vertical Pasocapheration Syndrome
Helritis and Flatelet’s Ear
Milk Tomosis Black Bote Headache Excessive Woot Sweating
Stumm Complication 8 Poop Herpangitis
Wamble Submoration Osteomaroxism
Bacterial Fladular Syndrome Asteophyterdimentricular Aneurism
If nothing else, these are sure to make The Blog of Funny Names
The Millennium Conjectures™ 