“If there are no stupid questions, what questions do stupid people ask?”–Scott Adams
“We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.”– Benjamin Franklin
Good ol’ Ben knew stupidity when he saw it.
Nothing enables stupid, silly, naive, ridiculous or downright ignorant questions like internet search engines. Judging by some of the search queries by which my blog has been found, I’m guessing that some of these people were either drunk in a bar, or reading too many ridiculous blogs. Courtesy of WordPress.com’s excellent blog stats page, here are some of the best examples, along with my appropriately astute responses. (NOTE: These are all verbatim from the aforementioned WordPress stats summary. Somebody out there actually found my blog using these search queries.)
Where would we be if we traveled 777 billion light years? I have no idea, but I’d hate to have to pick up the tab for the cab ride home.
Sixteen times four equals what? Probably 42, if you are Douglas Adams
Let me explain infinity, it is a measure of a human power, which actually not compatible, . for ex infinity is sir Albert Einstein… I just report them; I don’t explain them. But if you have any clue as to what planet the person who wrote this query is from, please inform us all.
Mark Sackler DVM After 30 plus years of marriage to a veterinarian, I have apparently been awarded an honorary degree. I certainly deserve some sort of award–or at least sympathy.
Barbayaki Say what??!! (According to the stats, this query has found my blog FOUR times. As Casey Stengel said, “you could look it up.”)
Why they add 1 millennium in 21st? OK. I give up. Why?
Funny pro-conservative bumper stickers See my post on non-existence.
Millennium Twain NASA You left out rutabaga.
Funny names for mark What? “Mark” is not funny enough by itself?
Molenium conjectures Hey, moles can have ideas, too.
Is there still a lawyer for Einstein? I’m not sure, but I think there is a lawyer for everything–even non-existence.
Please feel free to share your responses to any of these nut-case inquiries, and be sure to check back in a couple of months. There are bound to be more where these came from… 😉
The Millennium Conjectures™ 
I’ve got to admit, yours are pretty special compared to mine.
Hmmmm. Special, or especially cracked!?
Barbayaki indeed! I should start checking my search terms…
All I ever get, day after day, is “orange kittens”. Every. Freaking. Day.
Look at the bright side. At least it’s not “black cats.” Thanks for visiting and commenting. 😉
Firstly…love the initial quotes,.they are brilliant. In Australia we have a show called “Kath and Kim” Perhaps it was one of these “moles” that sent in some of your queries? I popped some very special quotes in for you.
In Australia, the colloquial definition of a “mole” is….(found this on Yahoo)
“Ok, whats a “mole” in Australian slang?
i could care less if it means something bad.
just tell me what it means.
thanks..watever ur name is.
and stop advertising, other person.
anything bad, stupid, slut, skank, whore, *****.. basically someone who is undesirable.”
And for your amusement, here are some quotes from the Aussie gals Kath and Kim…..classic “moles” or “molls” as it should be…..
Kim: “I was thinking of going with monogamy.”
Kath:”Oh no, Kim, monogamy’s very old fashioned. You just want a veneer of monogamy. That’s all people care about these days.”
[making plans for the “Hens Night”]
Kim: Yeah, I’ve had all those classic cocktails…”69er”, “Slow screw against a wall”, “Sex on the Beach”…
Kath: Have you tried an “orgasm”?
Kim: No, never had one of them…
Kim: Mum. I don’t want to be rich, I want to be effluent!
Kim: My favourite movie’s Shallow Hal. I can relate.
Kath: Why? Because you’re big kim?
Kim: No, because I’m shallow. God, you’re rude to me.
KathKimQuotes
Kath; And here’s Sharon, she’s wearing the Monica Lewinski. It comes with optional knee pads.
Also, I found this site which could add light to the “molenium conjectures”, here is a snippet, “The differences in how the mole concept has been conceptualized between the scientific and the educational domains led me to suggest that through their training, chemists and teachers learn to use the mole concept as a ‘tool’. Their associated conceptual understanding becomes so ingrained that its importance goes unrecognized. As a consequence, it seems that the teachers’ lack of explicit awareness of the underlying concepts resulted in some ambiguities in their classroom instruction, and this could explain some of the difficulties the students encountered when learning the mole concept.”……WHAT?
http://dtl.unimelb.edu.au/R/28D7EKPJX4B62K7D2SGU1HTSK1YJLQBER51LNNYR6PSEKCB5V1-01175?func=dbin-jump-full&object_id=273954&local_base=GEN01&pds_handle=GUEST
Great post…love your work! Jen
Wow. Thanks, Jen. And great comment, too–though, undoubtedly the first one I’ve had on my site that is longer than the post it is commenting on!! 😀
Oops – sorry about that but you inspired me. It was very funny.
No worry. I was teasing not criticizing. I enjoyed the comment.
Have a great day!
Look at moi…
(looking forwards to the Kath and Kim movie!)
Should be a hoot!
and I thought the search terms on my stats page looked weird.Mark, you take the cake on this one!
That’s funny. You sent me off to look at my searches but nope, after a quick look nothing comes close to what you’ve got. You’ve found a niche – perhaps it’s time to tag your posts with some of those and get a flood of new visitors : -)
Note to jiltaroo – love Kath n Kim too, and Ben Franklin quotes
Janet
Thanks for the comment. And for the record, us clueless types in North America have no clue who Kath and Kim are.
I’ve seen quite a few of these stat posts on other blogs, but yours might just be the best one yet.
Haha, for some reason, I think my blog was somehow involved in the “Funny Names for Mark” query. 🙂
Some of the more peculiar ones that have brought us a surprising amount of traffic:
Pink coffin – 26 hits
French swimmer fanny – 21
Ranomi kromowidjojo biography – 22
Mullet fish – 26
Pitcher of a mullet fish – 6
Troy Tulowitzki mullet – 23
Renee zellweger squinty eyes – 5
I still can’t figure out the Barbayaki one, though. If I search “Barbayaki millenium conjectures”, the only results for your blog are this post.
When I need a chuckle, I know where to come. The opening quotes are hysterical and it moves on from there. Thanks for visiting and liking my post “Formation”.