“Santa has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”–Victor Borge
Or don’t visit anyone at all. Just blog. Thanks for visiting me here, have an enjoyable holiday season and a prosperous 2014.
A Blog of the Ridiculous and Sublime, by Mark Sackler

“Santa has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”–Victor Borge
Or don’t visit anyone at all. Just blog. Thanks for visiting me here, have an enjoyable holiday season and a prosperous 2014.

A moment of silence, please, for my favorite actor of all time, punctuated with a quote from my favorite movie of all time. The quote above and the image to the left provide the faintest of hints as to why this is my favorite move of all time. I will deal with that in a future post. For now, let’s maintain the silence.

“The average Thanksgiving dinner takes 18 hours to prepare and 12 minutes to consume. The average football halftime is 12 minutes long. This is not a coincidence.”–Erma Bombeck
“Most Texans think Hanukkah is a duck call.”–Richard Lewis
If all this isn’t enough, my wife is actually preparing a rutabaga as part of our dinner. After all the jokes about rutabagas herein, when I actually held one I thought it was a misshapen duck pin bowling ball. Happy Turkey Day to all.

“In my next life, I want to live backwards: start out dead ….and finish as an orgasm.”–Woody Allen
I just had to put up another Woody quote after my last post. Can you just imagine what Benjamin Button would have been like if Woody filmed it (or wrote it originally!).
OK, enough distraction; conjecture #5 is coming next. I promise.

“Science is magic that works.”-Kurt Vonnegut
“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”–Arthur C. Clarke

http://www.cartoonstock.com Used with permission
If I could write like Clarke or Vonnegut, that would be indistinguishable from magic. The fact that I can still get up in the morning–or most mornings, anyway–that is magic. Now if that little fairy to the left would only tell me what to write next…

“The meaning of life is a rutabaga.”–Garrison Kiellor

http://www.cartsoonstock.com
Used with permission
Here is an existential dilemma if ever there was one. I cannot stand Garrison Kiellor, but I cannot resist jokes about rutabaga. The word rutabaga itself is just too funny; I guess funny won out. Maybe ‘ol Garrison drank some rutabaga-ade before making that terrible movie a few years ago. It must have tasted like-er–well…rutabaga. 😀 For more on rutabaga, including information on national rutabaga month, check out this crazy site… The Rutabagan

“Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.”–Woody Allen
I’m pretty sure they aren’t Catholic even if they do have mass. Einstein was right anyway, no mass moves at the speed of light. Stay tuned, you might even see some real science soon. (If you don’t get the gag to the left, go back and review the entire Quantum Weirdness series.)

“Don’t know if it’s good or bad that a Google search on “Big Bang Theory” lists the sitcom before the origin of the Universe”–Neil deGrasse Tyson.
“The Big Bang Theory: When geeky scientists can be main characters in a hit prime time series, you know there’s hope for the world.”–Neil deGrasse Tyson
If there are two things I absolutely love, they are Neil deGrasse Tyson and The Big Bang Theory. They are both witty and intelligent. When you combine the two, as in the video clip below, it’s like putting hot fudge on double chocolate ice cream. Tyson has done more to popularize and promote the scientific world view than any American since Carl Sagan–and with a sense of humor. Hmmm, kinda like The Big Bang Theory (the show, not the actual theory). Carry on Dr. Tyson.

“All generalizations are false, including this one.” –Mark Twain
Droll? We would expect that from the greatest raconteur of American letters. But perhaps this is far more subtle and profound than a mere semantic joke. Kurt Gödel proved with his incompleteness theorems that every self-consistent mathematical system must include statements that cannot be proven–the mathematical equivalent of “this statement is false.” But Twain takes the classic liar’s paradox and applies it, it would seem, to all of existence itself. There are things in life and in science we just can’t determine, and that is the point of The Millennium Conjectures. I need to ponder explanations for what the cutting edges of physics and cosmology are telling us, whether we can test them right now or not. But don’t misinterpret this. One of my readers suggested that if I believe things that cannot be proven scientifically, then it is no better than philosophy or religion. I don’t know about philosophy, but this is most certainly nothing like religion, and for two good reasons.
I don’t know of any religion that says either of those two things–let me know if you do.
Keep the above in mind as I present further conjectures. Quantum Weirdness 103 will precede the next one, coming soon to a computer near you.

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my works. I want to achieve it through not dying.”–Woody Allen
“I’m very pleased to be here. Lets face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”–George Burns
I’ve had enough of it for now. I’m calling a moratorium on in memoriam memeranda, momentarily. (Try saying that five times fast.) So if you are planning on dying, please have the courtesy to hold off for at least a few weeks. My attention now turns back to the living, at least while I’m still breathing.
I'm not the most interesting man in the world, but I might have the most cluttered mind.