post

Google This! Search Term Haiku #5

“If it isn’t on Google, it doesn’t exist.”–Jimmy Wales

 Not that it has anything to do with this post, but I have to start with something:  reading the above quote, it also occurs to me that if something is ON Google, it exists whether it wants to or not.  

OK, now down to business with another rousing rendition of Search Term Haiku, the game that asks the question, does anybody have a life?  Me? My readers? The anonymous boobs who type this drivel into search engines?

To review how this works:

  1. Every phrase must come from actual search terms that yield this blog in the results, per my WordPress stats page or Google Webmaster Tools page.
  2. The poems must follow the accepted Anglicized format of the traditional Japanese art form: three lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables respectively.
  3. Each line must be comprised of actual search term phrases, verbatim.  The only changes allowed are punctuation and truncation and capitalization.
  4. Words may not be changed or rearranged. Typos and misspellings must not be corrected.
  5. Phrases may be combined or extended to multiple lines, as long as the previous four conditions are met.

I should point out that the use of terms from Google Webmaster tools is a new feature for episode #5,  made necessary by the fact that Google just doesn’t report many search terms to WordPress anymore.  Or to anybody else for that matter.  But webmaster tools reports oodles (meaning hundreds) of search terms in which a page turns up in, even if not clicked on, so I get to use those.  Whatever.  I don’t explain Google, I just make fun of the boobs who type dumb things into it.

So here goes nothing.

.

Cyber-stealth

On the internet

nobody knows you’re a horse

a goat and a pig.

.

Allez France

Blague sur le tennis

Pepe Le Pew girl cat name

Cest nes pas un pipe

.

Ewww

Wank definition:

Osi Umeniora poop

guy has sex with snake.

.

Voice Recognition

Letrate** sentences

paraprosdokian quotes

Siri for dummies

.

Brainiac

Explain like I’m 5.

Please register or login

Tyson I.Q. score

**Sic

Comments

  1. That is some weird s***

  2. I don’t even have such search Terms when including the ones from Google Webmaster Tools! 🙂 Did you you some criterion – such as: More impressions than X?

    • My one criterion: if it fits, use it! As for getting the terms, let’s just say that “Tales of a Veterinary Spouse” comes up in some pretty bizarre searches!

    • I might add, the first two lines of the first haiku above “on the internet nobody knows you’re a horse” was actually one complete search term. It just happened to be 12 syllables and fit perfectly as the first two lines. “A pig and a goat” probably relates to the review I did last year of the comic strip, Peals Before Swine.

    • Final answer: A broad (and sometimes wacky) variety of content yields a variety of unusual search terms.

      • But it is still an enigma to me which sort of wacky content is picked by Google. From my search term I can only conclude that Google considers me an ‘authority’ on about three different things – quantum field theory, gyroscopes, and mice in microwaves – so now you have my terms, too, on your blog. No matter what else I write and how often I write on something else – it is ignored 🙂
        I have started to enjoy spam poetry more than search term poetry as spam has evolved a lot – and there are so many comments to pick from!

      • I still prefer to use search terms as long as possible. They are more personal to my blog. But then not everyone is as screwy as I am. 😮

  3. Just listened to Car Talk ( a repeat, of course) and they had car haikus. Here’s a good one:
    Objects in mirror
    Are closer than they appear
    So back off, moron!

  4. 😀 I ran a search engine poetry challenge on my blog in 2012 and the responses were great. I thought that Google encryption had since spoiled all the fun. 😦 But I didn’t know about the webmaster tools, so thanks 🙂

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