A Blog of the Ridiculous and Sublime, by Mark Sackler
Don’t u just hate that? OMG, me 2! GMTA! I’d tell you just exactly where this burns me up, but that would be TMI. C U later. 😛
“A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.”–Carrie Snow
I can just sense you nodding your head in agreement. If you hear a rattle when you do that, go see a neurologist and hope it doesn’t go away when you get there. (The rattle, not your head. Well, OK, your head, too.).
“I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.”–Edith Sitwell
Unfortunately, there are all too many willing and able, not to plead stupidity, but to flat out flaunt it. And there are also lawyers, lots of lawyers. And lots of work for lawyers.
“I don’t know about you, but most of my exchanges with cashiers are not that meaningful.”–Jeff Bezos
(Related word: Scanfusion, noun,–a similar annoyance when a product’s UPC code won’t scan)
This calls to mind my late step-mother’s infatuation with restaurant coupons. She just wouldn’t go out to eat without a coupon for some sort of discount. I once observed that if the eatery was giving away free food, she still wouldn’t go if she didn’t have a coupon. She didn’t disagree.
(Be sure to follow my more serious stuff at www.seekingdelphi.com)
“Statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamppost: for support, not illumination.”–Vin Scully
Non Sequitur
Ah, it’s that time of the year again. And the statistical probability is that I will be distracted to no end. But the baseball season won’t be quite the same without Vin Scully. He started calling games the year I was born and that was–er, that was–damned if I’m telling. Just watch the games and keep score. (If you’re a blasphemer and don’t like baseball, try my other blog (and podcast) at www.seekingdelphi.com.
“Let’s make Donald Trump explain his hair.”–Ted Deutch
No comment.
“Don’t let the same dog bite you twice.”–Chuck Berry
Unfortunately, the Grim Reaper has bitten us multiple times in the past year. So many of my heroes gone. John Glen. Yogi Berra. Alvin Toffler. Arnold Palmer. And now, one of the indisputable greats of original American Music. I’d let that dog bite me three times if it would bring all these icons back.
If the future of the human race concerns you, be sure to check out my other blog–and podcast to go with it–at www.seekingdelphi.com.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.”–Jeff Valdez
Jeff Valdez obviously doesn’t know our dogs. We can hardly get them to go outside to do their business when it snows. Pull a sled? Hah! We used to have a nasty little Spitz named Miles. The Spitz is also sometimes known as The American Eskimo Dog. Miles was having none of it. We literally had to pick him up and throw him outside when it snowed. Dogs are smarter than you think.
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”–Carl Reiner
Call me freezing. A few minutes ago–never mind how many exactly–having no life at home and little to keep me in the house, I thought I would set out and see the snowy part of the world. That lasted exactly 15 seconds. Home Sweet (and warm) Home. This weather sucks. Stay inside, my friends.
“Eskimos had over two hundred different words for snow, without which their conversation would probably have got very monotonous. So they would distinguish between thin snow and thick snow, light snow and heavy snow, sludgy snow, brittle snow, snow that came in flurries, snow that came in drifts, snow that came in on the bottom of your neighbor’s boots all over your nice clean igloo floor, the snows of winter, the snows of spring, the snows you remember from your childhood that were so much better than any of your modern snow, fine snow, feathery snow, hill snow, valley snow, snow that falls in the morning, snow that falls at night, snow that falls all of a sudden just when you were going out fishing, and snow that despite all your efforts to train them, the huskies have pissed on.”–Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers guide to The Galaxy
It’s going to be a long Tuesday
Here in New England we have only one noun for snow. But boy, do we have adjectives. Lot’s of adjectives. Lots of unprintable adjectives. Shit, I hate snow. (If you’re snowed in and hard up for diversion, listen to my podcasts at www.seekingdelphi.com)
I'm not the most interesting man in the world, but I might have the most cluttered mind.
The Millennium Conjectures™ 