Cosmic Quote #15

“If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.”–Emma Goldman

If this election changed anything it would probably be ignored, which wouldn’t change anything.  Anyway, we are nearing the mid-point in the hotly contested vote to bestow a BLAHS in the category of outstanding lady blogger with an attitude.  It appears that Essa Alroc has pulled out to the early lead, thanks to her followers taking to heart my encouragement to stuff the ballot box.  Richard J. Daley would be proud.  Voting ends this Sunday afternoon EST, or sometime around then, assuming I remember to close the ballot box and name a winner.  You can vote here, or on the original post.  Or you can hack poll daddy and give new meaning to the term voter fraud.


BLAHS #3: Women with an Attitude–You Pick It.

“A hard man is good to find.”–Mae West

“Vote early and vote often”–Al Capone

Note: Click on The BLAHS link in the sidebar to the right for full history of The BLAHS

It’s a new year, and that means a new angle.   So without further ado, let’s get started with my third installment of The BLAHS (BLog Awards Handed Out by Sackler).  In the previous installments I pointed out that, unlike the various so-called blogging awards that amount to little more than chain letters, these goodies are handed out one at a time.  Whether one would actually want to win one is another story altogether, but I leave that for you, the reader, to decide.

Mae West--A woman after my own heart.

Mae West–A woman after my own heart.

In the name of either democracy, or laziness, I am asking my readers to vote for the next blog award for the specific category of lady blogger with an attitude. Unlike the so-called nominees in those fake blogging awards that go around–and the fact that I have been “nominated” six times in the past few months verifies the bogus nature of these entities–only one of three nominees will emerge victorious.  With that honor will come the accolades and/or humiliation, not to mention the option to receive limited edition tee shirts and refrigerator magnates with typographical errors that make them valuable collector’s items.

Enough for the preliminaries.  Let’s get started.  The nominees are: (click links to view blogs)



Clotilda Jamcracker for her blog of the same name.  The first BLAHS went to The Blog of Funny Names.  The second BLAHS went to the funniest named blog I follow, Millard Filmore’s Bathtub.  So it only makes sense to nominate the funniest-named blogger I follow.  Her attitude is more in her name than her writing;  her main goal in life seems to be maintaining a comfortable middle-class American lifestyle on financial fumes.   Attitude style:  female Ebenezer Scrooge.

Essa Alroc of Essa on Everything.   This is a woman with a no holds barred libertarian attitude.  Nothing is sacred and everything is fair game.  She makes no apologies for  herself, or for that matter, anyone else.  Be sure to wear a flak jacket when you read her blog.  Attitude style: female George Carlin.



Sue (aka Sooz) of Dreamshadow59Now here is an attitude I love.  She makes no apologies for being a single female on the prowl, or for enjoying more than a drink or two along the way.  Her faux romantic advice columns are a hot hoot.  Now, if I only had her full name and a phone number.  Attitude style: 21st century Mae West.



So there you have it folks: a professed skinflint, a professed libertarian, and a professed nymphom–er, party girl.  And while the rules of this award allow me to bestow all three of them whenever and however I want, here is your chance to participate.  Actually, the only rules of this award are that I can do whatever I want.  And what I want is allow you 7 days from the initial post to vote with no limit on how often you can vote.  In the spirit of Al Capone, ballot box stuffing is not just allowed, but encouraged.   See you at the awards ceremony.

(Note: you don’t actually have to visit and read these blogs to vote, but it is recommended)


In Memoriam: Stan the Man

“He could hit .300 with a fountain pen.”–Joe Garagiola on Stan Musial

“You wait for a strike, then you knock the shit out of it.”–Stan Musial on hitting a baseball

Millionth run center

The 1,000,000th run countdown. I talk to the gathered media as Stan Musial naps in the background. Check my 1975 hair!

He was the only baseball hall-of-famer I ever had my picture taken with.  Hell, he was the only hall of fame anything–sports or otherwise–I am likely to ever have my picture taken with.  The fact that he was sitting behind me, bored as hell, as I droned on at a press conference for the 1 millionth run promotion, doesn’t diminish it for me.  I will cherish the image at left as long as I live.   That I was ever that young (it was 1975) or had that much hair is something for science to ponder.

As for Musial, it may be a cliché, but his record speaks for itself.   A record 24-all star appearances (tied with Willie Mays)…a career .331 batting average…top ten ranking all-time in runs scored, RBI’s and Doubles (one more double than Ty Cobb)…the list goes on an on.  He spent his entire post-playing career as an executive for St. Louis Cardinals.  But perhaps he will be most remembered by those who knew him, before and after his playing days, as one of the finest gentlemen in the sports world.  I can attest to that, having spent two days in the SF Bay area with him during the 1974 World Series.

Mercurial PR man Ted Worner, with whose agency I promoted the millionth run contest, said of Musial, “if he hadn’t been a  baseball player, he’d be pumping gas.”   But he was a ballplayer, and that’s all that matters.  He died yesterday at age 92.  R.I.P., Stan.


Time Out: Google This! Search Term Haiku

“If it isn’t on Google, it doesn’t exist.”–Jimmy Wales


The last thing you want to do is throw down a challenge to this blogger.  Ever.  But that’s exactly what Elke Stangl did when she created search term poetry on her blog, Theory and Practice of Trying to Combine Just Anything.  First of all, Elke has a resume that reads like a character from The Big Bang Theory. She describes her self as a physicist turned IT security consultant turned renewable energy engineer–all this plus a stint with Microsoft.   But that aside, her big mistake was suggesting that I try my hand at search term poetry.  I will not be outdone.   Be careful what you wish for Elke, cause here comes Search Term Haiku.  The rules are simple, but the creation is anything but easy.

  1. Every word must come from search terms actually used to find this blog, per my WordPress stats page
  2. The poems must follow the accepted Anglicized format of the traditional Japanese art form: three lines of 5, 7 and 5 syllables respectively.
  3. Each line must constitute an actual individual search term phrase, verbatim.  The only change allowed is punctuation.

You asked for it, Elke.  So here they are.  (Note:  I may have to bestow a BLAHS on Elke for inspiring this idea.  But not the next one, as that has already been determined and will be posted soon.)



Siri lacks humor.

Did Schroedinger’s Cat Blow up

Albert Einstein’s hair?


Non Sequitor

Stupid search engine:

16 Times 4 equals what?

Lawn bowling cartoons



What’s in a name?


Mahatma Gandhi

Luna Rosa Pirana

Lindsay Lohan meme



Canine Crazy


Are Dogs Chaotic?

If you roll the dice enough times

I’m part schipperke.



Quixotically Quantum


Haldane conjecture:

Many worlds are around us

so why don’t you leave.


My guest post on The Blog of Funny Names

The Blog of Funny Names

(Dave’s Note: With today’s post, we welcome the consistently remarkable Mark Sackler of Millennium Conjectures to our list of Funny Names Blog columnists. Join us in giving a warm welcome to Mark!)

Klutz–noun, Slang. 1. a clumsy, awkward person.  2. a stupid or foolish person; blockhead.

1965–70,  Americanism; < Yiddish klots  literally, wooden beam < Middle High German kloc  ( German Klotz )

Wow.  Can you imagine a more unfortunate name for a professional athlete?  There may be many that come close, and I will cite a couple at the end of this post.

Clyde Franklin Kluttz (1917-1979) was a journeyman major league catcher for the Boston Braves, New York Giants, St. Louis Cardinals, Pittsburgh Pirates, St. Louis Browns and Washington Senators.  His  career was so undistinguished that  four of the six teams he played for no longer even exist in their original cities.  In nine major league…

View original post 353 more words


Cosmic Quote #14

“I like the word indolence.  It makes my laziness seem classy.”–Bern Williams click image for more Olympics for the Lazy click image for more Olympics for the Lazy

In case you were wondering where I’ve been lately…

Stay tuned for a reblog of my guest post on The Blog of Funny Names (tomorrow) and a new BLAHS award that will let readers pick the winner (later in the week).

Happy 2013.

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