“The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter-he’s got to just know.”–Will Rogers
Episode One: You called me for what??
I don’t know if a veterinarian is the best doctor in the world, but I do know this: to survive thirty years of marriage to one, I may be the most patient spouse in the world. The early years were the worst. Why? In two words: on call. Thanks to a proliferation of 24-hour veterinary emergency clinics, she no longer gets those middle of the night wake-up calls. But here are just two of the many gems she dealt with through the years.
Phone conversation Sunday afternoon late summer day
Panicked client: “Help! My dog can’t get up!”
Dr. Sackler: “What’s happening.”
Panicked client: “My dog can’t get up.”
Dr. Sackler: “Well can you describe the situation?”
Panicked client: “I see my dog outside struggling to get up and he can’t get up.”
Dr. Sackler: “Well stay calm and go out there and take a closer look.”
The dog’s collar ID tag was caught in a slot between planks on the wood deck.
Phone conversation at 1 AM, Monday Morning
Ditzy client: “Dr. Sackler, I swallowed my dog’s heart worm pill, what should I do?”
Dr. Sackler: “Mrs. So-and-so, I can’t help you. If your dog had swallowed your birth control pill, that I could help you with. But I can’t advise you on a human accidental dosing, you have to call your medical doctor.”
Ditzy client: “OH, It’s the middle of the night, I can’t bother my doctor!”
Dr. Sackler: “What am I, chopped liver?” CLICK!!
The second story was so ridiculous, my daughter, who was in 9th grade at the time, wrote it up and submitted it to Readers Digest for their On The Job column. They published it–sans the closing chopped liver line– and paid her $300. Oh, and it also turned up a couple of years later on a page-a-day calendar created from that column. Those were fifteen minutes of fame my wife could have lived without.
That’s enough for now, but stay tuned. These stories are just the tip of the iceberg–they get better.